Why I Never Want to Settle Down

IMG_0122-3

Settling. It’s always been a depressing word to me. It’s kind of thinking to yourself “that will do” then crawling into a corner and pitching a tent.

I don’t want to settle down into a 9-5 job. Not because I don’t want to work, but because I know that won’t give me any sense of fulfillment. I’m a full time blogger, a job that didn’t even exist 10 years ago. I work crazy hours and RIDICULOUS amounts to make blogging my full time job but that’s part of why it keeps me so passionate. I love a challenge. I’m happy to give up years of my life living like people won’t, to live the rest like people can’t. I never want to stop moving, traveling, creating and adventuring.

to settle:

1 :  to become quiet, calm, or orderly.

2 : to begin to live a quiet and steady life by getting a regular job, getting married, etc.

3 :  to put oneself into a comfortable position.

4 :  to become quiet and begin giving one’s attention to something.

I’ve never wanted comfort, quiet or anything mediocre. I’ve never wanted to settle down. When I look at my future, I don’t see my life in the same house, same town, and same job. I see constant change. I don’t believe in settling down because that term implies that the current path I’m on isn’t valid.

It’s not always about living your life the way people have lived before you.

st-kilda-pier-32

As I’m turning 22 next month, everyday I see more people I know start to knuckle down and get serious. They’re buying houses, they’re getting engaged and they’re beginning to think about starting families (if they haven’t already).

From a young age, we’re taught that “settling down” is critical to our success, that we’re all apart of the chase for THE job, THE relationship, THE house & THE family.

It’s almost as if we’re made to be a failure if we don’t end up with those things by a certain age.

Just to be clear, there is no shame in wanting the trappings of settling down if they provide you with personal fulfillment. It scares me to imagine myself in so much commitment, but some people live for that stability. I’m here to say it’s okay if that’s not what you want. Be honest with yourself. It doesn’t make you a failure.

Success is being the best version of yourself that you can possibly be. It means living the exact life you want to live every single day you wake up and get out of bed.

dont-settle-quote

It takes someone strong to go against the crowd in a world that is accustomed to settling with anything, just to say they have something.

And yes, it goes for relationships too. Why is it we have to find someone we love to “settle down” with?

I was that girl totally against relationships. I would literally shudder at the thought. Why the hell would I ever want to be tied down? What kind of fun is that?

IMG_0020-2

But the truth is, when you find the right person, you shouldn’t feel tied down. Relationships are about searching and looking for the things you desire in life together. No relationship would ever get anywhere if it was tying the people in it down.

I came across this quote and I really just couldn’t have worded it any better.

A relationship is a newfound kind of freedom where you have the permission to not only chase your own desires but do it with someone you adores and whose goals perhaps match yours too. A relationship is the comfortable silence on a long drive, making you feel like you’re a soaring balloon, flying higher and higher without anybody holding you back.

You have the freedom to discover their deepest desires as well as sharing yours. You’re constantly learning and growing – but now you’re doing it together.

It doesn’t make sense to me when someone says they want to be single because they never want to settle down, or that freedom is synonymous with being single.

I believe in monogamous relationships, but I don’t believe in settling down. Life is too short to ever settle. There is so much adventure in the world. Go find it. And if you can do it with someone you love, all the better.

Why can’t we run free together?

I want to keep moving until I no longer can. I want my life to be a great big adventure – it’s too short for anything else.

settlequoteIMG_0018

What are your thoughts on “settling”? I’d LOVE to hear them all. Have you got any experiences? Opinions?

  • The words that make me the MOST uncomfortable… ‘forever home’ … I don’t want to know that I will be somewhere for the rest of my life, I like change, I want new and exciting things to happen, I want to explore, I want to be free, to be independent… This brings me happiness and contentment :D
    http://www.honestyforyourskin.co.uk

    • ME TOO! I love your comment, Cheryl. I’m so happy you could relate to the post!

  • I’m a homey person by nature, and you just made me feel so unsettled about it. I never really wanted to settle for anything, but I guess life sometimes just pushes you in an unexpected direction – one you usually don’t expect – and you get comfortable and just settle. Its human nature and very few people have the power to stand against it and actually act upon their own will unfortunately…

    Allie | RainyAllie

    • Couldn’t agree more. You just described what I think the majority of people experience. I think we should all step out of our comfort zone & take risks more often! It’s the best way to grow :)

  • I 100% agree. My “home” is the UK but I wasn’t happy there. My boyfriend wanted to move out last year, or at least start looking. But it kinda freaked me out & pushed me to the total opposite.. Instead, I decided to move to Australia for the time being because settling isn’t my thing. I always feel like I’m in the wrong for not imaging the perfect house & family just yet.. Meanwhile most of my friends are engaged & looking for houses. But it’s just not me. I’m outgoing & sociable & there’s so much more to life than mediocre & what’s classed as “the perfect life”. I also wish to pursue my blog as a full time career so well done to you for making it happen! You go girl!!! Enjoyed the read :) xxx

    • You sound like me! You’re so brave for taking that risk and moving to Australia (btw, where are you from?!) instead of just going with the flow. As long as you’re doing what makes YOU happy and not living to please anyone else, then you’re definitely not in the wrong :) good luck on your blogging!!

  • Thank you so much for this post! Nothing frightens me more than not achieving what I seek to achieve, and just ‘settling’ because it’s the safe and sometimes comforting option. The times that I have stepped outside of my comfort zone ie. when I lived abroad for 2 months last year were the times I truly felt alive, like I owned my life and like I was exactly where I was meant to be.

    I finish university mid-way this year and I am absolutely petrified that I will stay in my city. I adore my city, but there’s so much more out there I want to see! This post gives me the motivation to give everything I’ve got towards my dreams.
    xx Carina

    • YES! Living abroad would’ve been incredible. The best way to predict the future is to create it :) you can do anything. Thanks so much for sharing your experience lovely x

  • I feel you girl, I am the same! This World is full of opportunities to make every dream come true, and it’s sad that a lot of people is still afraid to do what they love and have some boring full-time job instead just because they need money.
    We all have to believe in ourself and live the life to the fullest.

    Great post & blog! :)
    xx
    http://putitallonme.com/

    • I love your comment, thank you! Always do what makes you happy – there really is SO much to see in the world, it’d be a shame to just stay in one place :)

  • Natalia Cooke (The Petite Expl

    It’s nice to hear somebody say this out loud for once. I see my life as a series of adventures and constantly changing. It breaks my heart that my friends and loved ones are just hurtling towards this idea imposed on society do not other reason that it’s ‘the done thing’. Hopefully, the more people who embrace this kind of life the more accepted it will be!

    • I was so nervous to say it, but I’m SO happy I’m not the only one who feels it. THANK YOU for your comment, I honestly couldn’t agree more. There is so much to do & see in this world other than following the crowd :)

  • Ashley Christabelle

    Same as you, I can’t bear the thought of having a 9-5 job in 10 years and maybe engaged too. Don’t know why, but I can’t. I just want to travel and explode the world. I’m quite an introvert, so exploring a new city would be a tad bit hard, but that’s just it, I want to experience new things when everyone else my age are doing things that are expected by society. Great post, I love it.

    http://www.ashrealasitgets.blogspot.com

    • I’m so happy that you could relate to me! I absolutely love your comment and the risks you’re willing to take. That’s what life is about! The only way to grow and know what you really love is to step out of your comfort zone. I’m an introvert too and exploring new cities on my own completely changed me x

  • This is a lovely post! I agree with so much you have written – I also blog full time, and the unsettled nature of this work it what makes me thrive. That being said, I am someone who opposed change. My whole life I have resisted change and struggled to adapt, but blogging has taught me to let go of that control more than anything else ever could!

    Shot From The Street

    • Thanks so much Lizzy! I love that blogging has taught you something invaluable. It really is amazing. x

  • Francesca @ twobackpacksoneadv

    I am a lover of trying new things and having a wanderlust heart! I totally agree with you that I don’t think I could ever be the person to want to buy a home, go to work at the same place everyday in a 9-5 job, or a lot of other things that are considered “settling”! But, I do love traveling with my husband and best friend! A lot of people don’t understand it but happiness comes in all shapes and sizes :)

    • YES so true!! Happiness is doing what YOU love, not conforming to what society thinks is supposed to make you happy. Everyone is different. I’m so happy you could relate :)

  • Samantha P

    I like this post. I have to say that my career path is never 9-5, it’s all around and never stops. Having said that, I’m all about settling down: marriage, kids, houses. :)

    S .x http://ramblingsofayoungprgirl.blogspot.com

    • I love that you’re a mix of both things! That’s really cool. I’m assuming you do PR from your blog title? I used to as well and totally agree the career path isn’t 9-5 but it’s so fulfilling and always on the go! Love it! x

  • Elizabeth Daisy

    I love this post lovely, mostly because I relate in a bit of a different way…I live in some way two lives, one as a wife that most would see as “settled” with my own home and an amazing husband, the second life as a self-employed, girl boss. I was trapped in a 9-5 job until my husband (being the only one) pushed me to make the jump that I was so scared of making, and that nobody else believed I could do because it wasn’t the ‘norm’. I founded my business…the scariest/most exciting decision I’ve ever made. Because the truth was I didn’t want to one day in the future be the woman at the end of my life saying ‘I wish I’d have done….’, or the woman telling my children to do the things I never had the nerve to do myself. Thanks for writing a truly refreshing post lovely.

    Elizabeth xo | Elizabeth-Daisy.com

    • Thank your husband for me haha! LOVE your comment. Congrats on taking the leap to start a business, that’s so exciting. No matter what happens, it’s better than saying “what if” for the rest of your life. I’m sure you’ll do AMAZING things, you’ve already started and gone against the norm – most people wouldn’t have the courage so I deeply admire you :)

  • THIS, THIS POST – love how you phrased your intentions and view of settling down!

    Lauren x
    Britton Loves | Lifestyle Beauty Wellbeing

    • YAY thanks so much Lauren!! So glad you love it x

  • I’m a contradictory mix of both wanting change but needing stability. My friend sums up the idea perfectly, “I’m not afraid of commitment; I just haven’t found someone/something worth committing to. ” She was probably quoting someone else but I’m too lazy to search it up (functioning on 2 hours of sleep! )

    • Thank you for your comment. I think a lot of people feel that! Your friend sums it up perfectly :) I’m committed to someone, but I still need a constant flow of change in my life. I like risks. :)

  • I think this is my favourite blog post ever. I really needed to read something like this right now and remind me where I’m headed. Sometimes you get muddled up in what is expected of you and you start to lose your own path. I’m going to bookmark this for when I start to forget! xx

    • AW thank you Madeline!! It’s so true. Sometimes you just have to take risks and step out of your comfort zone. It’s what makes life! Always go with what makes YOU happy, not what is expected from society x

  • Great post. I’ve often thought about this. And I’d say I live somewhere in between. I have a wonderful life where I’m at, but I always know I will never stop traveling. It’s what makes me happy. I do love having a place to call home though, as much as I am never there and honestly could just keep traveling forever. It’s nice to have roots somewhere. BUT I don’t ever see myself as settling. I have way too much energy for that!

    • Thanks Emily! I agree, it’s nice to have roots somewhere but that doesn’t mean you have to stop seeing the world :)

  • AGH I love the quote about relationships! It’s SO true. I also find it hard to settle- in every sense of the word. Not doing things that scare you feels wrong, and yet as we get older the world is increasingly telling us to ‘settle down’ and stop being an ‘uncontrollable (fierce) youth’. I just think that these notions are deeply flawed. People should be constantly learning and exploring, and as a society, we should definitely encourage that! In short, I am readily up for joining the ‘never settling down’ club too. Rashina xxx

    • I love your comment SO much!! I couldn’t agree with you more. Settling down isn’t for everyone – being successful is doing what you love most and it’s sad that society doesn’t encourage it! Welcome to the club haha x

  • I agree with you completely! I have never wanted to settle down either. I love traveling, trying new things, and just being free. I wish so many people didn’t treat this kind of lifestyle as a bag thing. I have gotten so much negative feedback from people thinking I’m not living my life the right way. I don’t think there is anything wrong with wanting to explore the world, though.

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts! Great post!

    xo, mikéla / simplydavelyn.com

    • Thank you Mikéla! I’m constantly getting put down for the way I want to live my life, even though it makes me happiest, so I can definitely relate! I think it would be sad not to see what the world has to offer by stepping out of your comfort zone :)

  • I agree and disagree on certain points. I’m 25, and I’m a hustler to my core. I’ve worked my butt off to be succesfull in the fashion industry’s an industry that is constantly evolving. I love the quick pace, the constant opportunity for growth. I love to travel, and learn about new things etc. But I also understand that life in the fast lane isn’t always the healthiest for children. I believe kids need stability, and it doesn’t alwasy look like the house on the hill with the dog in the same boring neighborhood. But it does mean sacrifices. I think when you start to compare settling to sacrifice then the lines can be blurred. If you want to live life on the edge, upbeat and in the fast lane..sure go for it! Just be open to the fast lane evolving into something else, and for you that may be your version of settling( or whatever word you choose).
    In all I appreciate your transparency and honesty!
    -Kierra
    http://www.inthegreyonline.com

    • Thank you for your comment Kierra! I agree with you. If children are apart of your life and future, there are definitely sacrifices to be made. I don’t see myself having children as it doesn’t fit the lifestyle I want, and I’m constantly put down for it. The point I was trying to put across is that people shouldn’t feel like failure if they choose that option, too. Success is doing what you love :)

  • Settling as a word does have plenty of pejorative meaning. It does imply one guves something better up. Maybe it’d be better to think of it a choosing or being content with.

    • Thanks for your comment Aleksandra! That’s true, although I would never want to be just content with something, which is the point I was trying to get across! I want to be in love with my life & thrive off what I do. :)

  • I think it all depends on the person and their needs/desires. I have a lot of friends who are settling, like getting married, having kids, firmly planting themselves into a location. They want stability in their lives, contentment, which is good too. But some are also afraid to venture out and do different things. I’m a musician so my next line of work is never clear cut (and my school loans are ridiculous), but I’d rather do what I love than try to get into a completely different field that I know would make me a good amount of money.
    http://bluejazzmin.blogspot.com

    • Thanks for your comment Farrah! Most of my friends are like that too. I love that you’re brave enough to go against the crowd! Being a musician is a tough gig, but the rewards and passion it gives you must be priceless!

  • Diana Maria

    Settling has always been a word that has made me uncomfortable, at least right now. I too don’t want to work a 9-5 for the rest of my life instead of following my dreams. I’m currently working full time and at times crazy hours so that I can save enough money to move out to the mountains and start living a dream I’ve had for years. I’d love to write and blog, and truly want to follow those passions. Life is an adventure! Your partner should feel the same way, and if it’s right, you two can enjoy that adventure together without feeling anxious, trapped, or tied down. I agree that it’s hard to go off of that path society tries to pull us towards- and you are so brave for doing that. It’s so inspiring seeing you work so hard and crush your goals!

    My Lovelier Days

    • That sounds amazing Diana! Thank you so much, it makes me so happy that you could relate. So many people just go along with where life takes them instead of doing what they love! x

  • nab

    I just love all of your post very much…It’s simple and intriguing..Your blog shows simplicity…

    • Aw thank you so much! You are the sweetest :)

  • I strongly agree with every single word I just read! I’ve never liked the idea of settling, or appreciated the ‘recipe’ for a happy life we’ve been given by society. Love this post! :)

    — LisaLDN.com

    • Thanks so much Lisa!! It means a lot that you could relate x

  • I can completely relate to this post – and I’ll be 35 this year. I tried ‘settling’ for a while but … your soul knows. In the past few years I’ve quit my job, sold my house, and ‘unsettled’ myself and it’s the best feeling ever. Stay true to yourself!! Thanks for sharing :)

    • Thank you so much for your comment. So many people continue to settle when they know it’s not for them – it’s just more comfortable. You’re incredibly brave to go against the crowd and I have SO much admiration for you. x

  • I couldn’t agree more with every single word from this post, I’ve always felt the same way about my own life. Settling was never my thing, there’s too many places to see, foods to try and new friends to meet along the way :)) Have a great week!

  • Zara

    This post hit a cord with me. This is exactly how I feel. I love the phrase ‘living like people won’t, to live the rest like people can’t.’ Will be using this motto in my life from now on!

  • Maya

    I will have to say I’m in the middle. I want adventure sprinkled into a calm stable life. For example, I would love to have a home base and steady career, but I would also want to be able to take off for say 2-3 months to another country for work or just work remotely and use that time to travel locally, try out a different kind of lifestyles and see what I like about it and then integrate it into my mainstream lifestyle. Or perhaps take a sabbatical to another location and use that time to enhance work related skills and then return to my regular job or maybe simply change jobs every few years so that I can have different experiences but also grow in my career. I am definitely a monogamist but would like to commit to someone who has many sides to himself and can grow and change with me–a fellow adventurer like a tree that has solid roots but flexible branches.
    I’m all for balance :-)

  • This is seriously one of my biggest fear. Settling down.